The Hands That Guides

Here I sat in my cubicle thinking... about my student, saying that he wanted to get a plastic surgery because he is not cute enough. This the same person that called me sobbing saying that he was not cool enough because he was not rich enough. On top of that he starts blaming his parents for his looks and blames his friends for not wanting to go out with him. Mind you at this point of time I am already sick and tired of his antics. Grumbling over petty stuff, behaving like your 9 when you are 19. It’s just too much!!!

Let me elucidate this point “Life is a Bitch!” it would swallow you whole and spit you out in pieces!! But this is life. It is not how hard you fall it’s about how fast u get back on your feet. Life is the bully that pulls the rug from underneath you so you can fall on your face while he laughs at you. Life is a constant survival of the fittest. I myself constantly finds myself in dead ends, they are days sometimes weeks or months that everything just go wrong, they are days when I throw the towel and leave! And its good to know if you have tried every possible avenues and things do not work you should just surrender. There is no point fighting a battle that could not be won.

He asked me how can he be loved and be happy! My honest answer was in order to be loved you first must learn to love and appreciate ourselves!  Yes its sounds corny and tacky but that is the fact ! a person that loved themselves would appear confident and couldn’t be bothered what others thinks of their self image, thus contributing to the fact that they are more honest in their self image and more preferred. Usually confident people are fun , friendly and easy going therefore it is not suprising they have more friends.

As far as being happy in concern, happiness is a choice! You choose to be happy and content with what you have. Contentment would create a feeling of being bless, thus creating a blissful life. The choice is in your hand, do you want to see the glass half full or half empty?

Grumbling over petty childish stuff, when there are famines, war and children being killed not only seem petty to me but somewhat annoying. Learn to be grateful, only when you feel grateful you will feel blessed and with this bliss would come in a package. So sit your ass down start looking at your life in a retrospect and count your blessings. Stop whining! Look at yourself you might not be the best looking lad around but you are not a handicapped, you might not be the brightest kid but you parents have provided you with the best education money can buy.  You might not have the most expensive clothes but you still have clothes over your back, you might not have the best food but you are still eating, you might not have the latest gadgets but you still have the necessity to survive

Since  my students is a Muslim I would like to end my advice with my favorite verse from the holy Quran: "Your Lord has decreed : "The more you thank Me, the more I give you. But if you turn unappreciative, then My retribution is severe." 14:7

Sheer Desperation

by Asilatul Hanaa Abdullah on Monday, January 9, 2012 at 3:44pm

Before I embark upon my most controversial write up ever , let me again clarify myself as an educator I seek to board on a neutral objective path that do not take side. I acknowledge our government is corrupt and dysfunctional, and it needs to be buried when I say buried I meant they are not going to come back. Scandals after scandals such as the most recent cow scandal, diamond rings, misuse of power and funds and finally abusing students protestor had jaded the will of the people. The Malays have now realized that UMNO is no longer there to protect their rights but rather to abuse those so called special rights. With the ever growing access to blogs and social media this conspiracy of  so called protection of Malay rights have become nauseating to the Malays themselves thus not only making the party unpopular but also irrelevant.

PAS, which is an Islamic party therefore, is the most relevant choice for Malays. PAS given its reputation have always been a party that championed Islam and Islamic Government, recently have taken a more liberal path to appease their non Muslim counterparts in PKR and DAP hence have caused a lot of dissatisfactions among their members that mainly are fundamentalist  clergymen.

DAP, being a secularist on the first degree have somehow moulded PAS, to abandon their idea of Islamism, come up with the idea of a welfare state, yes logically to get 2/3 majority in parliament to change the constitution is next to impossible, It is not a question of impossible or possible but rather of a question of principal. PAS being a party that is championing for Islam should not compromise their idea of Islamic state but rather should try to make DAP or PKR understand what it is all about. Have not the people in PAS learned how the expansion of the Islamic empire in the golden age, how Muslim Islamise Europe, Africa and Asia by establishing an Islamic state.

Anwar Ibrahim in my personal opinion (nobody need to agree or critic me for this) driven by his power hungry motive is prepared to anything necessary or eliminate anybody who is not on board with him in his parade. In my opinion as a historian anybody this hungry for power usually is a recipe for disaster, again history have proven this, Hitler , Henry VII, just to name a few. Men like this are more likely to cause damage to the society rather than improve the nation. When power has become the ultimate agenda nothing else matters.

In a  nutshell. I can conclude this, politics is a very dirty game, let not be caught up in it, lets vote for individual that would benefit the society, drop this partisan politics lets help change the situation by being the change you want to see

FuCkEd Up!!!

It's a Fucked up world; We're a Fucked up place
Everybodys judged by their Fucked up face
Fucked up dreams; Fucked up life
A Fucked up kid with a Fucked up knife
Fucked up moms and fucked up dads
and a fucked up cop with a fucked badge
With a fucked up job with fucked up pay
and a fucked up boss that's a fucked up day
fucked up press, fucked up lies
Ain't it a shame that you can't say Fuck?
Fuck's just a word and it's all Fucked up
like a Fucked up punk with a Fucked up mouth
And Nine inch nails is getting knocked the Fuck out
Fucked up babes, Fucked up sex
and fake-ass titties on a Fucked up chest
Your all fucked up, so whatcha wanna do?
Fucked up me, and fucked up you
ain't life a bitch? a Fucked up bitch?
A fucked up sore with a Fucked up stitch
a Fucked up head- It's a Fucked up shame
swinging on my nuts is a Fucked up game
Jealousy fillin' up a Fucked up mind;
It's real Fucked up like a Fucked up crime
If I say Fuck two more times;
That's 46 Fucks in this Fucked up rhyme

STUDENTS AS AN AGENT OF CHANGE

Glancing back to my university students years, I realized that I was not politically conscious not even remotely, I even doubt that it was imbedded in my subconscious mind. It was totally absent, my routine would involve going to class, a lot of reading and studying, swimming and tennis with jaymie and amie (my bff) or hanging around my hubby. The clubs I joined were known as zouk , aloha and modestos ( just to name a few- LOL-). In a nutshell I partied as hard as I studied.

I was never caught up with campus election, honestly to this day I do not understand how it works, I don’t even know yet care or even bothered to be elucidated by the pro aspirasi or pro mahasiswa shenanigans. I didn’t even vote for the first two years I was in uni. After my second year it was made compulsory to vote or we risked being fined, I survived this ordeal  by voting for the cutest guy and the most fashionable girl.

My political consciousness started to emerge only after BN sweeping lost in the recent 2008 elections. Looking back now , I kinda regretted not being politically conscious, especially looking at the situation now, and the controversy surrounding it. Adam Adli a student that was fighting for the removal of university and college act together with his comrades had become a hero for some and an  object of contempt for some, merely for because of flags. Before I embark upon this treacherous threshold, I would like to reinstate my point I am not a fan f DSAI, personally I am the last person that wants him as PM. Secondly when comes to politician I lived by this analogy… the are all Casanovas they would say anything to get into your pants… it is the vocation of academician to give an objective facade of the situation to the public.

coming back to the issue of auku, I am arguing that students are agents of social change,  The phrase was first used in 1965 at the annual conference of Canadian University Press in Calgary, when a delegation led by the McGill Daily proposed and passed an amendment to CUP's statement of principles that said "one of the major roles of the student press is to act as an agent of social change." The motion's authors argued that university students, including student journalists, had a special role to play in the social and civil-rights revolutions of the time, and objective reporting could not achieve this. Instead, student journalists had to take sides on social issues, and guide campus opinion accordingly.

 As educators, it is our responsibility to develop students with knowledge and skills that provide mechanisms to effectively integrate academic disciplines with an understanding of self in relation to others on campus, in the community, and across the globe. Intentional integration of student development theories, such as leadership identity development, in the classroom can effectively facilitate deeper understanding of how students are personally connected to greater social issues. Students develop as socially conscious leaders capable of creating sustainable social change. In other words, student development theory offers academic disciplines—specifically public administration, a framework in which to guide faculty and students through the process of developing oneself as an agent of change.

Within the individual category, the values of consciousness of self, congruence, and commitment are included. This is the point at which students learn and become aware of their own values. Metaphorically, during this process, students understand the lens through which they see the world. Personality and self-awareness,are acknowledged and discovered in this category. There are many aspects of individual identity; it is multidimensional , and perhaps most important, it involves acquiring a greater understanding of self through the context of one’s environment, race, sexual orientation, and gender (just to name a few). In other words, self-awareness, once acknowledged and discovered, means that students have a greater capacitywith which to make meaning of and connection to their lived experiences.

The intellectual and practical motif which most readily captures both the values and alternative practices exemplified in the Students as agent of change initiative is that of mutuality, of education as both a shared responsibility and a shared achievement predicated on the dispositions and demanding realities of dialogic encounter. What is both exciting and daunting about Students as agent of change is the way in which it both clarifies issues that are central to the development of a dialogic learning community (whether it be a school or some other kind of human practice) and the way it insists on a response to fundamental questions those issues throw up. The issues to which I am referring are at the heart, not only of what it means to be a citizen, but also of what it means to be and become a person. They have to do with both the intellectual and practical challenge of articulating what an inclusive educational community might look and feel like.

Central to such a project are issues to do with power and authority, freedom and equality, and, as important and necessary as each of these, the dispositions and values of democratic living without which democracy itself becomes a mere mechanism that more often than we would wish turns out to betray the very aspirations that inspire its inception. Students as agents of change is potentially as creative and important as it is demanding, if only because it has within it the possibility of helping us to make a practical and theoretical leap of grounded imagination that takes seriously Raoul Vaneigem’s insistence that ‘A minute correction to the essential is more important than a hundred new accessories’.

I LOVE YOU DADDY!!!

I was a privileged child, my dad did not have much when he was growing up, he didn’t even finish high school, and my dad was a self made man. He singlehandedly managed to provide his kids with luxurious and privileged life. A frequent trip to country clubs and expensive shopping spree was a common occasion. I had so much privileges more than any kids my age could have so much that by the age of 13, I had turned into a very irresponsible, disobedient, difficult child that did not managed to finish anything I have started.

 My parents dreaded at the potential of me growing up as an irresponsible adult. Then my mum which had  a short lived career in modeling and acting was approached by one of her old friends with a proposal that I should try to have a career in modeling both of my parents thought that it would be a great idea. Mind you at the age of 14 I am already a towering 167cm weighing less than 45 kg I had the perfect model body. I was overjoyed with my parents proposal, but my dad pulled out a contract that I cannot quit the job if it gets too hard. Failure to do so I have to pay double the money I earned and all he expenses my parents had spent on this modeling gig, transport/ portfolio etc. Well I thought yea how hard could this be you just need to look pretty so I gladly and naively signed the contract.

It is not so long before long I realize that being a model glitz and glamour aside was actually a real tough job. It is a harsh world a lot of competition where people speak their mind without sugar coating it. If you are late your bosses are going to be mad at you, it consume long hours and with a lot of stress. You are expected to give 101% commitments and dedications body soul and mind. Reality blew up on my face knowing I could not possibly quit ( god knows how much I wanted it!) I decided to outdo my dad by saving all my hard earn money to pay him back.

After 6 months I managed to do so. When I finally handed him the money I was fighting back tears those were my hard earned money. My dad sat me down he says, I am not allowed to quit yet,he would hold on to this money and I would be given a break on one condition that I must finish reading a book. After I finish reading this book then I can quit.  He handed to me a plastic wrapped book the title of this book was The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck.

So I sat my sorry ass down and start reading, Peck opened his book with  -- "Life is difficult". Do take note I was 15yrs old teenager by now, so I was think wtf this sucks! But for the sake of quitting my job I continued reading, as I continued I discovered that "Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult - once we truly understand and accept it - then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters."

On the topic of discipline he puts forth the truth that life is a series of problems, and that life often seems difficult because the process of confronting these problems "evoke in us frustration or grief or sadness, anguish or despair." Yet it is in facing these problems that we gain wisdom, strength and courage. He states, "This tendency to avoid problems and the emotional suffering inherent in them is the primary basis of all human mental illness." He then follows with a discussion of the various ways people can learn to cope with suffering and go on to become a truer manifestation of one's soul here on Earth.

On the topic of love he discusses the difference between being "in love" and love. He notes that love is not a feeling, but an activity, and defines it as "the willingness to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one's own and another's spiritual growth." He bemoans the rampant notion of romantic love that pervades society today, which holds that one is not truly in love unless one feels those incredible "I'm in love" feelings that we all know so well. He observes, "Many, many people possessing a feeling of love and even acting in response to that feeling act in all manner of unloving and destructive ways. On the other hand, a genuinely loving individual will often take loving and constructive action toward a person he or she consciously dislikes..."

In a nutshell what I can say is, the book is written in a voice that is timeless in its message of understanding, The Road Less Traveled continues to enable me to explore the nature of loving relationships and leads me toward a new serenity and fullness of life. It helps me determine how to distinguish dependency from love; how to become a more sensitive child; and ultimately how to become my own true self

After a week I sat down again with my dad, I told him I want to continue, this book and my dad changed my life, from that moment on take problems by the horn and battle them. I am no longer the spoilt brat I was, I have started to live my life with a sense of responsibility. Who I am today I am deeply indebted to my dad, thanks that for showing me the meaning of being resilient. I love you a lot

'Crocodile Dundee'/ Buaya Darat

It’s not easy being women, as cheesy as this may sound the truth is many women always get tangled in a sticky , complicated relationship that would involved a lot of sacrifice and tears. They often always become victims of situation, some might say because of their own stupidity but I disagree; In multiple studies, women have been shown to be more intuitive, which makes them more sensitive than men," says Judith Orloff, MD, an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at UCLA. "Studies also reveal that women show more empathy and patience, whereas men are inclined toward problem-solving and are more comfortable with the language of logic than of emotion. In Western culture, especially, males are taught that it isn't macho to be sensitive and show emotion. Women are given more support to express their feelings than men are." So women basically are built this way. Nonetheless men's who realize these circumstances would tactlessly use it to their own advantage. Accordingly as women, one must know and be aware of her situation and the men's around them. Here is a list of men’s women should try to avoid.

1.       Married Men’s

If you know he is married you should run as fast as you can. Married men’s are usually looking for fun; they are bored of the wife and kids. It’s a fact of life when you get married, your life become mundane and expected. Affairs are exciting all the sneaking out and ala’ FBI dating, yes fun until the novelty runs off and you realized that you wanted more. Now you wanted to redeem the words he used to woo you such as I am going to leave my wife and marry you or I am going to make you my second wife. Guess what happens he will give you 1001 excuses not fulfill those promises and still make you hang around. He would play you as if you are the puppet and he is the puppet masters. He would have you hanging by a string of hope that he could use to control you

2.       The Gamer

This guy is already in a committed relationship. But the greedy bastard in him wants you. Thus he will get close to you, pretend to care and be there as a friend, he might  gave you the aura of a platonic friend but  behavior wise he is treating you like a girlfriend. He would pretend that he is Freud, leading you into thinking that he knows you.  He will give you not so subtle signals and leave you confuse of what he really wants from you. At the same time he doesn’t want to lose you, or the other women he is in a stable relationship with, so he would play all these confusing mind games simply because he is too selfish to admit he like you more than a friend. This kind of men’s lacks the confidence and charisma to decide what he wants. He would only get you tangled in a web of perplexing obscure confound that makes it difficult for you to decide whether to leave or stay.

3.       He can’t keep his pants on.

This kind of men’s would hit on anything that moves. These men’s are usually emotionally unavailable. Most of the time they think with those dangly piece of meat they have in between of their legs. The only sensible thing to do is pack your bags and leave. This is the most uncivilized immature types of men’s. Nothing could be done to cure them beside it’s not a disease its just a habit, and if we knows habit especially bad habits they die hard. These men’s live by  these rules;

I party like a rockstar,
Look like a movie star,
Play like an all star,
Fuck like a pornstar,
Baby I'm a superstar

Despite the fact that I am a confident, independent woman who has succeeded in many facets of life, in the past I have been emotionally immature when it comes to relationships. I am writing this based on my previous and current experience with men.  These are men’s women should avoid since they would bring nothing but heartbreaks and poignant dilemma in your life, come to terms with your sensitive nature and guard your heart from heartbreaks.

P/S: Recently I have come to realization that, much as I hate to admit it, I am unconsciously attracted to men like my dad. And though one definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, I'm finding this attraction quite hard to fight. This isn't some Shakespearean tragedy. My dad had lots of great qualities. He's a handsome, smart, successful man, and those are all qualities that I want in my Mr Right. But he was also very distant in a sense that he is always away for work, and I had to work very hard in order to gain his affection. I hope I have finally found my Mr Right...

Picturesque Anecdotes of My Adolescent

I was inspired to write about this on my way back from my hometown. I spent most of my tender years in a small town north of Perak known as Kuala Kangsar. It originates from the name kurang sa or kurang satu, kurang sa was given since it has 99 creeks that derived from the Perak river. Kurang satu or kurang sa denotes less one creek to 100. (Yeah you better know how to swim if you intend live here).

Indeed it was a picturesque town with river running through it lushes of greens, hilly countryside, colonials era buildings, traditional boats.  My teen years was simple, we had a supermarket, kfc, Mcd and pizza hut. 2 cinemas, 1 bar, 2karaoke and 1 nightclub. I was brought up in the middle of all this. Yupp when I say I was I was brought up in the middle of all this: I literally meant in the middle of all these things were in a walking distance from my house.

Among my favourite spots would be the banks of Perak River where I would sit and read for hours and it is also my favourite jogging and dating spot. Yes which bring us to the next topic boyfriend in my life I only had 3 serious relationships, this was my first love, I was 14 when we met, he was a tall, handsome, well built ( when I say well built I meant he had 6 packs) 16 yr old. For privacy purposes I shall call him A

My fondest memory was motorcycle ride with A, he would pick me up from school and take me to my second favourite spot which is Bukit Chandan (yeah that were the sultan lives), so the place is majestic and beautiful. It situated on a hill overseeing the Perak River.  I was a hopeless romantic back then. There were so many memories on the hill that passing through that place brought tears to my eyes. It is true what they say about first cut being the deepest; A was a fine young man not only introduce me to the exciting world of rock and roll, nightclubs, bars ,karaoke  and cigarettes but was also a self made man. At the tender age of 16 he bought his RXZ bike using his own money, which he earns from working after school. Undeniably this place embraces a unique mark in my life, it is here I learned the meaning of love it is here I discover how it feels like to be kissed. It is here I played truant.

I will always treasure these memories of my beautiful adolescent years with me, it was beautiful and fun. I was very naughty in school.  I was an athlete so I didn’t have anytime for tuition. I skip classes regularly except for a few classes like history, literature and PE (all which is my favourite). One of my bizarre occurrences is when my English teacher suggested me to join the debate club. I ran as far as I could. Well in my school there a few types of kids cool ones and nerdy ones, how are they differentiated? Nerds join activities such as debates coral speaking choir etc, while cool people like me join hockey team, swim team, and soccer ( which I joined all).( LOL for all its worth I still think only dweeb join debates and choir and all that stuff). I wasn’t concerned about getting As, school was one hell of a fun ride for me.

Well that was life 15 years ago so simple and fun we didn’t have blackberry or blue berry or Ipad, we had public phone wherewith you put coins and test pad to write on, but somehow I feel life was in its full circle back then. Maybe it’s my location, maybe lack of responsibility, maybe because I can rely on my parents, maybe its A... I truly cannot offer any explanation except  if I had a chance I wanted to live and re- live those moments